


Help Me

by Liv_the_llama



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Love, M/M, Protective Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 04:37:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19288279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liv_the_llama/pseuds/Liv_the_llama
Summary: The aftermath of the party where Alec tried to jump off of the balcony while under a spell. But was it all the spell? Magnus is just trying to help, but Alec is hopeless.





	Help Me

"Alexander, please talk to me!" Magnus exclaimed, following his pacing boyfriend around. Alec gave a tight lipped smile to the warlock, but there was a storm brewing in his eyes.

"There's nothing to talk about. Magnus, there is nothing wrong."

Magnus scoffed at the words of his partner. "Alec, you're telling me that you jumped off a building and there's nothing wrong?" In response, the shadowhunter stopped pacing and lightly grabbed the arms of his boyfriend.

"That's exactly what I'm saying. That was just a stupid spell and it meant nothing." There was a slight quiver in Alec's voice, but neither man mentioned it. He was so obviously hurting, but he wouldn't admit it. Shadowhunters don't admit when they're weak. Alec was also very stubborn, so that wasn't much help.

"Alexander, the spell feeds on your worst insecuritues. That feeling had to come from somewhere. When things get tough, don't shut me out." Magnus was grasping at straws. Seeing his boyfriend throw himself off of a building? That was hell. He couldn't even think about what would've happened if he hadn't gotten there in time...

Alec had almost reached his breaking point. Magnus knew exactly how and where to push to get him to crack. He wasn't doing it to be cruel, Alec knew that. The warlock just couldn't let him suffer alone. He cared about his boyfriend too much for that. They hadn't exchanged the exact words yet, but Magnus knew what love was. And when you love someone, you don't leave them to suffer.

Alec took a moment and looked down at the ground. He was trying to compose himself, but it was useless. He had spent years working to perfect his perfect shadowhunter facade, but he was tired of keeping it up. Emotions cloud judgement. It should be simple, but it wasn't. 

When Alec looked up again, his eyes shone brightly with tears. He tried to keep his voice steady, but it broke quickly. "I killed her," he whispered. He didn't clarify, but he didn't have to. Magnus knew what he meant.

"Oh Alec," his voice was soft as he enveloped his boyfriend into his arms. It was so unfair for him to think that this was his fault. "Alec, you didn't kill Jocelyn." Before Magnus even finished his sentence, the shadowhunter was shaking his head.

"I killed her Magnus!" Alec was getting louder with each syllable. He was angry. Not at his boyfriend, but at himself. "I saw the video! Clary's mother, Magnus!" The boy was hysterical by this point, his voice a howl. The tears had long since started to flow over, and Magnus was only a blur in Alec's vision. "I reached into her chest and tore out her damn heart! Clary is the one who found her like that!"

Magnus was trying to calm Alec, but it was fruitless. His last words were a bellow, full of pain. "I killed her! I wish I would've hit the ground because I can't live with this guilt!" All the air in the room was sucked out. Alec crumpled to his knees, and Magnus could only stand there. He was shocked. 

The warlock thought that the only reason Alec had jumped was because of the spell. He thought that the feelings of self hatred had only been amplified enough for him to kill himself. Never did he think that his Alexander actually wanted to die. How could he not have noticed this pain?

Magnus knelt down next to Alec, pulling the shadowhunter towards him. "Even if you wanted to die," Magnus had trouble getting the words out. Even the thought threatened to break him. "I would never let that happen. It will get better. Alexander, Clary doesn't blame you. You shouldn't blame yourself either."

At his boyfriend's words, Alec let out a strangled cry. He curled into Magnus, waterfalls flowing from his eyes. The warlock didn't shush Alec, just held him tighter and muttered comforting things. Things weren't great right now, but Magnus would know that they would be. His shadowhunter was strong, and Magnus would help make him stronger.

**Author's Note:**

> No smut in this one, but I hope you like it! Comments are appreciated!


End file.
